6th Post  - Happiness

Have you ever had the mindset that you will not be happy in life until you achieve a set of goals or standard of living. Do you say to yourself that, that's when I'll truly be happy. Then once achieved, have you noticed that your still looking down the road, not fully content, waiting to achieve your next idea or standard of living. Happiness is found in the present, not in the future. Happiness does not come with terms or conditions, but it is a choice. Sometimes that choice is harder to make depending on our situation, but its still very much within our agency. Happiness and thankfulness also go hand in hand. They are comparable to pants and shirt, clothes that must be worn together to be fully covered. I have noticed that pattern in my own life. I love making things with my hands. When I make something for enjoyment and my heart is truly grounded where I am at, I am truly happy. But if I make something to get me somewhere, I am still looking down the road to find happiness.

 

 

 

 

When I sculpted this bust in the photo above, I had a moment when life got complicated and I started to look for an outlet down the road that would bring a happier future.  I was sculpting her for a good reason, but at the same time, I started thinking how could this take me out of a uncomfortable job into a better life. I was thinking, "When this is done, I'll then will do this, then I'll do that until it gets me out of this job into something more joyful. I was focusing on money to ease a situation, but it did not come quickly as I'd hoped. And so much was my focus on it, I didn't even finish her. This person was Joan -of-Arc. I got to a certain point and then stopped working on her. She than sat on a shelf for nearly two years and began to crack, about to fall apart. Then one day I looked at her. I mean really looked and began to remember how I felt when I first worked on her. I remembered that I was happy when I first started. Why?  Because when I first started, I was doing it for the love of it. I loved this person in history and wanted my children to have a good example to learn from. I then started on her again. I repaired the cracks and added more detail in her eyes and turned her head a bit to make it feel as if she was more a live. What I learned was I only had small spurts of happiness when I was not focused in the hear and now. Also, My heart had to be in the right place. But because my future was never as I hoped, happiness never came as I hoped or lasted as I hoped. Yes it is a cool bust, and I still love it, but I just had to learn a lesson before I found truer happiness. Sadly I still seem to forget this lesson to often sometimes. I cannot wait for when I can make copies of her to share with others after I teach myself how to make a casting.

 

 

When I did this panting, I did it because I wanted too. I found my happiness was longer lasting. That is until the fleeting thought came, "Now, should I use this to get me somewhere?". So what lesson have I learned from this? Am I saying doing things for others doesn't make you happy? Of course not, it was all self and what can I get from it. But, when I had the mind set, I want others to have this so it will help them, happiness was longer lasting.

 

The greatest example I can think of, is the example of the master teacher, Jesus Christ. He served others not for personal gain, but because He wanted too. It was what He loved doing. If we truly want lasting happiness, then we must understand, His way is that only way to get it. There is no other way. Everything else is either temporary, or an imitation of it. And if you don't believe me, time will tell as it has often for me. But we have to want it fully or it is as if we didn't do anything at all to develop it.


So First love it and do it because we want too.
Second, if we do something for others, we must not look for what we are to gain from it.
Third, if we do it for others, it must be because we want too, or it is as if we did not do it
at all.
Forth, if confused, follow the example of Jesus Christ.
And Last, practice makes perfect. If you fall, don't give up. Keep practicing and start at step one again..

5th Post - The Power of Prayer


 Is prayer real and does it really work? Does it really help in life and answer questions? I've prayed and nothing has happened. I don't even know if God is listening to me. I've prayed for days and nothing is happening. If God is real, why do bad things happen  to good people?

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Does any of these questions sound familiar to you? Are you really wanting what you are praying for fully? Are we ready to give up on things that we may not fully really want to give up on yet?


I'm a little different in some of the hobbies I like to do.  One of the biggest hobbies I tried to develop growing up was growing Bonsai Trees.  I remember seeing my first bonsai tree on a movie when I was watching one long ago. I still remember the movie, it was from the original Karate Kid. I loved those little trees and wanted to know more about them.  So I looked and researched and went to the library to find every bit of information about them. When I found out that they are not a "one of a kind" type of tree, but can be created from any tree, I was flabbergasted.  I remember thinking, "really, I can grow and create my own!?!?!"  I was happy.

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I then learned about all the techniques to develop one and grow one.  I learned about pruning, root pruning, how to shrink the leaves of broad leaf trees, and the maintenance.  These trees were a living art that never ends. Who knew. Amazing.  Unless old age comes or you forget about them and don't water and the tree  dies on you. And then your like, "I killed it?!?!"


I remember, at that age, when I went with my parents on trips to go get groceries from a larger town 50 miles away, looking out the window. I would sit in the back of the car and look at all the trees go by thinking, "Look at all those untamed and un-pruned trees, I would be in heaven if I could prune them all." The conversation in my own mind would then continue, "Of course that would be ridiculous, what would I do with all those trimmed branches?  That would be a lot of mulch. I would not want to go too overboard. Or maybe I could get rich selling mulch." Then of course I would think about that idea too. I would also think when going to parks, "oh my goodness, do they not know how to correctly prune these trees in this park?  How can I concentrate on playing when these trees look so out of whack, Look at all those sucker branches." Or I would think, "if they don't prune that branch now, in a couple years it's going to cause problems to that other branch down the road,  Where did these grounds people go to school at?  Oh it drove me crazy........But that's another story. The only place I found that people pruned trees correctly was on the temple grounds, but if I looked carefully I could always find something a little bit out of place on only a few trees, but it was still so much better than other places.


Anyway, my mother bought an apple tree one day and planted it in the middle of the backyard.  I remember that I wanted to help it grow .......and.............okay, look like a bonsai tree. Or at least look good.  I cut the top off when nobody was looking.  At first I don't think everyone was happy with what I decided to do.   But I felt like saying to them, trust me. I got my information from good sources and I was planning what the tree would be needing down the road in the future. I knew nobody could see it then, but I knew the rules, and I had to trust myself that it would work out.  I was trying to encourage the branches to grow at that spot or near that spot I cut.   I don't think my dad was fully happy at first, but years passed and it grew. Then after careful pleading, I would then get permission to trim the tree to encourage the branches to grow pleasing to the eyes and then later encourage the fruit to grow where it needed too. It took many years of patience, but it turned into a nice looking tree, to some point.  My parents just need a little encouraging to let me maintain it from time to time.

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Okay, it did not grow into a bonsai tree, but I had gained knowledge of some pruning techniques that helped with the pruning of the apple tree.  My dad now says I make the best largest bonsai trees ever. Trust me, if I wanted it to be a true bonsai tree now, it would be a lot shorter. And if my parents would just trust me, it still needs more pruning.


Next story, it's still upon the same topic, but different. I was older now and had just turned 20. I knew how to grow bonsai trees and thought I would really get into it then. I wanted to look for a tree that was native to the area. I planned on going into the mountains and look for a tree that would be a good starter. I drove down a road until it came to a dead end. I then got out of the car and walked alongside of a fence until it came to the waters edge at a reservoir.  When I walked to the edge of the wire fence that met the waters edge, there was a ledge near the bank of the water that was muddy.  As I looked down to look to see where I could get around the fence, I saw a wide board that was on top of the mud.  I thought, if I jumped down there onto it, I would not get muddy and then I could walk over onto the other side of the fence. It was only 4 feet down so, I jumped...  When I landed, I didn't see the long spike stuck in the board and landed upon it.  It went through my shoe, into my foot, and all the way in.


I was a little surprised with the weird sensation I then felt. I knew instantly something was not right by the feel of it and also when I lifted my foot.  The board was stuck really good to the mud, and I was really nailed into place, sort of speaking.  I didn't know what I was going to do.  I was all alone.  So I stepped on the board with my other foot and lifted my leg until the nail came out. After it came out I looked at the nail. It was as thick as my pinky finger and five or six inches long. I then had to crawl out of the ledge with my hands like a person coming out of a fox hole until I was back up on the ground where the fence was.  It was a little awkward.


I then hopped to my car and once I got there I realized a shocking truth. My injured foot was the one I used for driving. I realized I would have to use my other foot to drive. It was a very enjoyable ride, I was either pushing too hard on the gas or stepping too hard on the brakes to slow down from driving too fast. There was a lot of jerking , nothing in between. Luckily, nobody was in my way on the way home or it would have not been a good thing.  When I got to my house, I hopped to the door and yelled for my mother to come and stated that I would need to go to the doctor.  My dad had me take off my shoe and because there was not a lot of blood, he said I would be fine.

The next day my mother took me to the doctor anyway feeling that it needed to be looked at.  When the doctor looked at my wound, he said it was not bleeding because part of my shoe had been pushed up into the hole. He also said he was glad I came because it looked liked I was starting to get blood poisoning.   He then got a probe and said if I needed any numbing fluid to let him know. Then, before I could really think about it, he inserted the probe into the hole to pull out part of my shoe.  I remember the shear pain instantly as I grabbed the side of the lab chair with my fists until my knuckles went white. It hurt bad, I should of said something, but I didn't want to look wimpy.  Silly pride. All pride gets you is what you deserve, a negative outcome!!!

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So the point of my two stories on how it relates to prayer. Prayer is a simple thing and at the same time, complicated. So what do I mean by that?  Many can pray, but what about listening? If you don't know how to have patience or know how to listen for the answers, it always feels one sided. In the first story, I wanted to learn about growing a bonsai tree. Prayer is similar. If you want it to be important to you, similarly I discovered that by reading, studying, and applying what I learn, it eventually benefit me.  It took time to see the fruits of the labor, but I could not force it to all happen all at once. Praying is what we make it. It's wonderful if you're patient, but learning to listen is a process.

When I pray to talk to God above, I respectively say Father, or my Heavenly Father.  I talk to Him as if He was right their with me as a person talks to another.  My prayers don't need to be perfect, He doesn't care if my speech is awkward or not.  Like a loving parent, or friend that we admire, He is happy to hear from us too.  But much more greater than we probably can understand.  When I talk to Him, I tell him about my day, thank Him for things, and then ask for help or ideas for concerns from questions I have.  When I'm done talking, I then will listen for perhaps a minute or two.  When I listen, I am not listening with my ears, but with my heart, thoughts, and feelings.  Sometimes I go to the good book and read to listen.  If an idea comes to my mind that's good, I act upon it. If I'm not really sure if I am feeling anything, I then think, what should I do if I was to think an answer would be heard and then act upon it. Often, it is after the action, my prayers are answered. And sometimes patience is required before an answer comes. I've even had to wait for years sometimes depending on the situation. When my conversation is done, I end the prayer in the name of Jesus Christ and then say Amen.

In the second story, sometimes we go about prayer in the wrong way as like I was in my second story. I was trying to find a shortcut to the other side.  There is no short cut when patience is required. And then if you have a bad experience, or it does not go the way you thought it would, you're tempted to give up and not try that experience again.  Sometimes things don't go right, but if you fall and get stuck or nailed, sort of speaking, get up and try again. Be persistent. Trust that He does care and loves you too. He does. He doesn't create the bad, the world does, or rather, worldliness does. And when you really need help, a deeper form of prayer is fasting. Some of my best experiences have come through fasting with prayer. Also remember not to doubt. Doubting is like saying you're serious, but in your heart, you're really not. No good conversation comes when faith is replaced with doubt no matter how small it may be. It's like asking your kid to do something, and he says he will, but in his face you can see he is not really being honest with you so you don't fully believe him.

So does prayer really work? Most definitely. Do answers come big when you are doing it right? Most of the time, it's quiet and gentle and you feel a sense of peace. That's why it's so important that you have a prepared mind to receive it, or rather you must also have a matching mind. You also must be gentle, quiet, and humble in your mind and heart to be receptive to it. A raging storm cannot feel calm waters, everything it touches is chaotic. Or if your mind is loud, you cannot hear a gentle whisper.


Sometimes, prayer can have a powerful experience. Flash forward 2 years when I was on my mission in England. I had recently been transferred to Northern Liverpool. It was a bike area and the bike I had been given was falling apart. Spokes where missing. Rust everywhere and the tires were rotting out. I knew the bike was not fit to really use safely. We called some missionaries in southern Liverpool and decided to change bikes the next day. So that night we fixed the bike up the best we could to make the ride to change bicycles that next day. On the next day me and my missionary buddy began our journey and rode five miles into the ten mile trip. It was about that time my front tire quickly went flat. We got the tire pump out and pumped the tire up. It stayed flat and did not build any pressure. We did it a couple more times but had the same results. So quickly we took the tire apart to see what hole needed patching. The tire was completely rotten all the way through. There was also a hole the size of a quarter. We did not know what else to do but patch it the best we could. We then put the tire back together on the bike and pumped it up. As we did, you could hear the air come out as quickly as it went in. My missionary buddy exclaimed, "what are we going to do, there is nothing more that can be done." We were running late for an appointment we made earlier with an older lady. Time was no longer on our side.


 I looked up at my friend and said, "yes there is, let's pray." I offered a quick prayer to Heavenly Father explaining our situation and that we had done all that was in our power. I then asked Him if He could keep the tire full so we could get to our appointment and then ended the prayer in the name of Jesus Christ amen. I got the pump out once more and pumped the tire back up and was about to look at it to see if it stayed full. As I did I had the strong impression not to do so and not to doubt, but to believe and get on my bike and ride. As soon as that thought came, I did exactly that and jumped on my bike and rode hard. I knew the tire was full because how it handled. In fact it handled so well, it was as if I had brand new tires on the bike. We rode quickly to the house to trade bikes when about a block away I remembered thinking that I had to look at the tire and see what was keeping it full. I just had to look, it was just too amazing and so I did. When I did, I saw a full tire go instantly flat. My friend came up from behind me amazed as I was and asked after exclaiming how awesome it was, "what do we do now elder?"  I then said to him, "we run from here."


This experience and others like it are rare, but does illustrate the point that God is very much in charge and is there to help if only we ask. Sadly prayer is very much an untapped power that we take for granted. Is God there? Yes, yes He definitely is. Sometimes we forget that if we really want to know Him, He is actually just a prayer away. And yes we all can know that too. And those words still echo in my mind today, "Don't doubt, just believe." Believe in Him and He will not be stopped in helping us according to His will and amazing experiences will happen. And more importantly, you began to begin to come to know Him. 

4th Post - I'll be very honest  

 

 

If you have not read my other posts before this one, I would encourage you to do so now so that what I write next will make better sense. In the other posts, I talked somewhat on some thinks that I hope helps people know how much God loves us and how to develop a relationship with Him. But first of all, I figure I'll be very honest. Here I am, a quite person by nature, talking about a topic that is very sensitive to talk about with people in general. This topic is taboo for most. More anger and arguments and sadly war seem to always come about when these things are talked about. And here I am talking.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/488781365781091095/

 

 

So why am I doing this? I don't have the answers to everything, but I feel pain when I see others going through it. And if I want this to be affective as much as I really want it, I'm going to have to be more open then is normally comfortable for me. To some it will appear as if I've really gone off the deep end, but trust me, I am just as much as human as you. I fall like others, I cry, I've been alone too. And sadly, I've been abused, been misunderstood, seen violence, and  the worst of the worst, in my opinion, even murder. And this is the first time I've really shared that with so many others. It's pure pain. I'm also no saint, but I'm trying to be as good as I can. But when you experience this much crummy stuff, you can go one of two ways. You can get bitter, or you can forget your anger, and reach for the light, so to speak. You learn too see good where you can find it. Or life feels like it isn't worth living. And as it is as easy to find bad in everything when looking for it, you can also teach yourself to find some good too. And if you can't, then you create it. Even in grumpy people. Yes, even grumpy mean hearted ones too.


Now that I have dared to reveal that much, I am also now going to be very serious about something else. When asked if God is real, or if what I believe in to be real is true from all those that have tried to convince me that it's made up stuff. I'm going to say this. Yes, IT... IS... VERY... REAL. I've seen and witness things that one could never deny because it was first hand experience.

What I am planning on sharing next will be how some of it came about. And in those experiences I hope you know it is also possible for you to have them too. I will write about  how it came little by little at first as I grew and got older. Then I'll share experiences I had through my twenties, and after. From my youth, then into my mission in England and after. I hope you also know I care for all those that are going through hard times and encourage you to take hope and to keep going and promise you that it will get better..

3rd Post - Thinking outside the box

We all have those days when we hope for the best and things are going pretty good and then WHAM. Something unexpected happens. Sometimes we may not know how to respond or what to do. I have seemed to have had a couple weird "WHAM" experiences that I'll share.

 

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In my previous post, I mentioned having some difficulties communicating with others growing up and how I had a hard time making friends. Well, I did have one friend in the 3rd grade that I was playing with one day. I'll call him Nick Booley for fun. (That's not his real name.) He was a good kid and during that time we would play together on the slope of a hill by our school during recess. All went well when all of the sudden we where attacked by some class bullies from behind. One went after my friend and the other one went after me. They both pounded on us for some time and drove my friend to tears, which made me feel bad too. The other one that pounded on me was quite a good wrestler. I never wrestled much and I didn't know what to do to defend myself.



As he pounded on me and pinned me in a move, I remember thinking, "okay, if I do this, .....  I might be able to escape from.......... Nope, too late, I just got moved over here. Okay, what if...... okay, now that won't work.  What if........., sheesh, is he going to stop long enough for me to figure this out?" Well anyway, that went on for some time and after a couple more punches he finally released me and waited for my reaction. What would I do? Would I start to cry, or run away for help? Would I try to attack him in anger for hurting me and his friend hurting mine? Funny enough I didn't do any of those things. Instead I decided to use a different technique called "passive aggression." I quickly stood up and grabbed his hand and shook it and said, "Hey buddy, thanks, that was fun, we'll have to do that again sometime." I had no idea why I did that. Maybe the adrenaline made it possible to establish some quick wit for a small moment, but to my surprise, he never attacked me again after that.

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Another time when I was older in high school, there was a boy that was bigger and overweight. I guess he was having a bad day or something because he decided to take his frustrations out in the school auditorium by urinating on the seats. Someone saw this and reported him to the principal. During this time, I had no idea that this had happened until he came up to me and pulled out a 4 inch knife on me.  He said, "Hey, are you the one that tattled on me?" I didn't know what he was talking about, of course, but in the school I was in at the time was a lot smaller school then the ones in larger cities. It was somewhat a farm and mining town community of around 3,000 people and I presume a knife was not an uncommon thing. Even though it was a smaller community, there was still regulations on what was allowed or not in school. One could have a pocket knife if it was within the schools guidelines back then, but how I reacted to this situation could have had a different outcome if I was not too careful.



So anyway, this person was mad at me and was just a couple feet away pointing this knife at my chest. He wanted an answer and he wanted it now. If I said something he did not like, would he react violently? I had no idea what would happen or what was going on. But after careful consideration, I decided to do what any rational person would do and state the obvious. I looked the guy in the eyes, pointed my finger at him and said, "hey buddy, you know the schools regulations, you can't use that knife on me unless it's under two inches."  Okay, all I got was a blank stare for a moment and then a look of obvious confusion for about a minute. He then looked at his knife and then at me again, shook his head, and then folded his knife back up and put it in his pocket. He did not smile or anything, but looked stunned the rest of that moment I saw him and then turned around and walked away.



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So, what is my purpose of sharing these two stories?  I know not everything in life can have an interesting outcome, and I wouldn't suggest doing what I did. But my purpose of sharing this is to illustrate that how we face things in life can affect us and our surroundings more than we may know.  Looking for the positives and good in situations may not necessarily take us out of a difficult situation. However, it produces an environment in our minds to have a clean place where God can work with  us and our thoughts if  He needs to warn us of dangers. Or help us when we need help. A clean mind is like standing upon a mountain and seeing the valley below you clearly because it's not polluted with filth. In life, I needed Him in difficult situations and if I wasn't clean in my thoughts and heart, I would have been less perceptive of His promptings. I wish I could say I was always good at that, but I make mistakes often.



In life though, a person may be mean to you, or you may be experiencing abuse of some kind or another. You may not have any power over external actions or choices of others, but you can choose how you will react. In the two experiences above, I was choosing how I felt. The first one, I was choosing to be happy even though I had a right to be upset at the situation. I was, in my way, keeping my heart clean by not having angry and abusive thoughts back. I know that bully had power over me, but I didn't give him power over how I was choosing to feel. I chose not to give him that privilege. The second experience, was my way of indirectly saying, I know you're upset, but I am going to look for the light and positive in this situation by seeing the humor in what I can see. I was hoping it would awaken him enough to snap him out of his anger.  One rule in life I've experienced is negative actions don't produce positive results. Negative things happen, but we as a people have more untapped power of an outcome more than we give ourselves credit.

The best example I can think of that best illustrates this point is from an amazing family I met on a mission in England.  For those that may wonder, as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, it is required for a young man to serve a mission for the Church for two years because it is viewed as a commandment from the Lord. You're not paid for it, but it is part of a voluntary service. Then once done, the saying goes, once a missionary, always a missionary and hopefully you continue the standard your whole life through.

Anyway, about a year out into my mission in England, I met a wonderful lady in a family that was a refugee.  We didn't know much about her at first, but she was the nicest person one could meet.  She would always feed us and listen to gospel messages we shared.  We would always invite her to live certain principles of the gospel. As soon as she learned them, she did her best to live them.  Finally one day she shared her background.  She said she originally came from an Island off of India called Sri Lanka.  When she lived there, she said life was wonderful.  Her husband owned a store and they had land that they owned and lived fine and comfortably. There was a sort of civil war happening on the island.  Then one day, men came and killed her husband because they thought he was hiding weapons for the people fighting  against them. Soon after they looked for her son to hunt him down too because they thought that he was involved also.  To hide from them, her son lived in the forest for a year to avoid capture.  After living this way for about a year, she finally said to herself that she needed to get her family away.  She sold all her land and all she had and gave the money to a person to help get her two children and herself out of the country.

She said that they went on foot most of the way and finally made it to Moscow Russia.  From there they where then smuggled in crates to England.  When in England, somewhere along the way, they were discovered and put into a refugee camp near London.  It was there that she found a Bible and read it.  She said that up to that point, she had never heard of God or any person like Jesus Christ.  But in the Bible, it talked about prayer and she decided to pray and ask God where He wanted her and her family to go and what to do to please Him.

She had the greatest and simplest of faith like a child that trust's a parent.  She said she started helping the other refugees in the camp and even gave most of her food to the hungry and poor of heart and spirit from what little she had.  She decided to live a Christ-like life. 

Finally the day came that the English Government moved her and her children to Manchester England. They gave her a home that was old and had no door and was in the worst neighborhood of the area. But she never complained and had a grateful heart and was so kind that the Landlord relocated her to one of his best homes that had a real door and even a Television. 

Then one day she watched T.V. and saw a Lamb of God movie advertised from our church that is free and ordered it.  That was when she met us missionaries.  She loved Jesus and wanted so much to live a life like His.  It was about this time also that she started hearing stories that were very discouraging to hear about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints.  She said she was confused and so we had her visit a family that was in the area of the church there that took her to the Preston England Temple. 

It was there that she said she cried because of what she felt.  She then said to us that in her first prayer, the one I mentioned above, she asked God what He wanted her to do and where to go.  At that point, she had a picture appear in her mind. The picture was a whitish building with something golden on top of it.  She said what she saw in her mind was the same building that was showed her there; the Preston England Temple.

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For those that may wonder, sadly many around teach that many things that go on in a LDS Temple is taboo and/or immoral, but that is far from the truth.  Temples are actually a place where we learn of Jesus Christ and gospel plan for us on how to find happiness.  It is a place that brings families closer together from the past, present, and future.  It is a place we learn about the creation and make promises to God to be better people to ourselves and to other people around us if we follow the gospel correctly.  Yes, nobody's perfect, not even those in leadership positions in our church or any church.  We are all human.  But it is because of the saving grace of Jesus Christ that we practice to be kinder and nicer to others.  It is in the gospel we learn to be better.  Although we are not perfect, God loves us perfectly and will help us to become more like Him.  And to become more like Him, is part of the plan of happiness even if we don't have all that is right going for us in life. But to understand life the way it is meant to be understood correctly, we need to know Christ the way He asks us to know Him. We turn to Him wholly the best we can and patiently wait on Him.

1st Post - Do You Have a Testimony?

A little while ago, I had an interesting conversation with a man. When talking about religion, the conversation went somewhat like, "do you really have a testimony?...... You can't really know that....... I've done all those things and it doesn't work......... It has never worked........ It's a bunch of hog wash really........" And finally, "let me tell you of all the things I've learned to show you how much you've been led astray." There was also other things said in the conversation and disagreeable observations he felt needed to be heard too.

http://thinkingaboutphilosophy.blogspot.com/2012/09/if-you-were-guaranteed-honest-response.html

This was how the conversation went with a friend I had at work. He once believed in the things I did, but no longer. He once was looking for answers to be answered about the history of our church and he felt like he wasn't getting them to his liking. He now believed what was being said and his questions where evolving into his own personal beliefs. He was giving up in questioning, and what was once just frustration, was now a new belief of feeling free and happy because he no longer felt like he had to feel guilty of feeling like he was a sinner. Because he did not get any answers to his investigations, he now believed they were questions nobody knew because it was proof that the church was hiding something sinister and false.

I knew of his questions because I had read what he read before in the past because I am a curious person by nature. I had learned of some of those same things many years ago and it caused me to have questions too. It left me feeling lost and confused, but later, I learned through prayer and fasting to give the Lord equal time to help me understand the things I read. The things this person had talked about where good questions, but I also knew if dwelt upon, the anger, confusion, and thoughts of others, would only add to more lack of understanding and more further questions and confusion that a person already has. It did with me and the path it lead to was not fun and I only shared those feelings with a few because I was afraid of the impact it would have in their lives.  Luckily the feelings he was feeling did not last as long for me as it does for some who have investigated similar things.

Finally, in my experience, I had come to a profound answer after praying and fasting.  It was in this answer to my questions that I tried to explain that the most important thing to finding answers to his questions wasn't in these books being read. It was in developing his own personal relationship with Christ. To really come to know Him. Not just know about Him, but to really know Him and recognize His voice until it became a familiar voice. It goes deeper than that, but I'll explain later. If one did this, questions and confusion would diminish as you would gain the answers and understanding from "HIM". If you wouldn't trust a stranger with your children, why would you trust your opinion to be developed by one more than turning to God through prayer? When talking to this person, he said he didn't even think he believed in Christ anymore fully. I tried to find hope as a topic to start upon and talk about fasting and prayer and reading good books as a start. He said he and his wife had done all those things and it didn't work. I expressed that it does work with the intent to explain how, but our conversation got interrupted by work and we were not able to finish our conversation anymore.

My heart really went out to him. He was a good man, and was trying to find himself and what was really real. He was now convinced that everything he once believed,  was now lies and the philosophies of man. I knew I could not help, only Christ could.

Regardless of all that, one question stuck in my mind that he asked and it was "how do YOU really know? You can't really know that." Even though I knew that I did, time was not in our favor and he did not seem to really truly care to know any longer at that time. At least that was the impression I got.


After some thought, I've decided to now answer that question to him and also to friends and family that have been going through this same struggle. I am LDS, Nicknamed Mormon, or best known and affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I don't think I'm better than others or worse. I know we are all here on earth trying to all do the best we all can for a better tomorrow and I wish nothing less than that from anyone. But regardless of all this, I felt like I should share some of my experiences I have had that convinces me the reality that Christ lives and how important it is to have a correct understanding of Him and a good relationship with Him. I am not your typical average person, and my experience is uniquely my own. But they are my experiences and I cannot wish them away or convince myself that they never happened. I will share some of those things in a series of posts so that you can get to better know what I really do know and hopefully establish a good conversation.